Performer's Jitters, Performer's Blues

I've been on stage many times; since primary school band performances in the school or outside at venues like Centrepoint, Botanic Gardens or even with NUSSB at Takashimaya and Victoria Concert Hall.

Oh yes, the training would be tough; I remember our band leaders/ instructors scolding us, reprimanding us, telling us our attitude/ discipline/ mood/ playing was NO GOOD. But we wanted -- it was US who wanted -- to achieve the best we can. And we sweated, worked and cried through it all.

Then, performance.

The feeling before a performance is indescribable; when you wake up that day, you tingle all over as if anticipating something good to happen to you, knowing something good is going to happen to you.

When you're getting dressed for the performance, you know that all your team members are going to be dressed in the same attire and you are all going to look so good on stage together, with your instructor. The pride and confidence grows with every button you do up and every shoe you shine.

Then you get your instruments and make your way out together; it's a feeling of exhilaration! (Must ask Carmen how she felt being the first to walk out for Melody)

When you start to play, suddenly the stage and audience melt away, and you find you are the only one there playing your songs, no longer just practicing, but finally performing in front of a real crowd.

Then, all too soon, you realize the moment is gone.

There seems to be a feeling of emptiness inside, making you want to linger on in the concert hall even after the last of the audience has gone. And you want to play your songs again somehow; it doesn't matter who was right or wrong anymore.

Do you feel the same way as I did?